Everyone and everything melts in and out of clarity, like someone turned off the normal flux of reality- or switched life to one of the snowy channels. Even when someone you know interrupts your aimless journey through the faceless, diluted masses, you only recognize them as though some distant, recurring dream... Like a memory half-formed, which you respond to in a voice not your own.

When the auto-play button is switched on inside your head, your head...detached, yet anchored despite itself to the rest of you, inevitably, but drifting further away from your shore of consciousness than it's ever been... It's an orange buoy, a dot on a foggy horizon of slow; uneven waters... tussled in the lazy automatisms of reality's fuzzy wavelengths.
Everything's faded, pointless, yet ongoing, like a carnival ride of no passengers... and you just know that it should all stop, because it's not going anywhere. A running engine without a frame or purpose, a clock without the occurrence of time, such things just shouldn't be, and the staggering realization of it instead makes you stop, to contemplate it in its glorious uselessness.

But it doesn't bother you. Somehow, it's supposed to be that way, and you feel neither sadness nor confusion at the diffusion of logic surrounding you... And in fact, you feel nothing at all really, except what might be felt by a faulty bolt, whose bicycle has kept cycling on without it, after it has fallen to the ground. And like the bolt, though you've never felt so alone and useless, you don't feel sad, because at the same time, you've never felt so free.

Though now, you've no one who could possibly understand that, to share your sentiments with. You try to really revel in the taste of that unprecedented liberation from something you could not pinpoint in the first place, something you alone found between the waves of pointlessness and the constant, aimless, motions of life. Before that though, the realization that your own frequency is clear and untainted, above the heads of the swirling, noisy masses below you, is stupefying, because you finally see that without the bustle, you never could have escaped from it in the first place. And you see that really, being so different from everyone else is not only almost impossible a state to maintain, but it's also something that is dependent on the very same homogenous surroundings and actions you desired being free from. It defeats the purpose of having waded through the muddle to begin with, because now that you've attained your new view, it's lonely at the top.

It's as though your beautiful solitude is too bright, too outstanding and demanding... and you awaken, again aware of your need to be a sleepy automaton in order to survive. You suddenly crave the structured nonsense of life's uncertain paths, you crave the anonymity of the masses, and though indifferent they are. You return to being a blood cell in the greater entity of life, and you hope and pray that no one noticed how far your head had strayed, how pompously high it had floated overhead. You're ashamed of how rebellious you'd been, and the hive remains your only comfort. So you start smiling again, your android shell recommencing its perpetual motions of greeting and interaction, and it laughs... it laughs... even though inside, the silence is deafening again.

You're waiting to be born again; you're a fetus in your own mind. The walkman noises of life are what you hear, while the fuzzy, filtered mirage is the only thing your eyes can see, though for a split second, you had popped your head out to get a clearer view.

Though for those few brief moments, you had poked outside yourself and groped at life with something beyond your senses, it proved too loud, too bright... too foreign and indescribable. All the sensual languages that make up your life proved too weak to really grasp it, or to even hold on long enough to really see it.

So, you go back inside where it's safe, and continue along your muffled, censored path, strewn with other senseless marionettes such as yourself, and you laugh...in the deafening silence.

One day the dreamer died within me...When all my answers never came,
I hid the truth beneath my skin but my shadow never looked the same.

Darkness is taking over from all the things you said
What else can I do to get it through your thick head?
Yeah, you...there. It's a good idea to run and hide,
Don't want to be here with the anger I feel inside.

You've stomped me down, and made me feel so small.
It's quite obvious now, I just don't care at all.
You've torn me apart inside with all the things you said,
It's obvious to me now that I'd rather have you dead!

Your turn is over now, my time to take the wheel,
Won't be my heart you break, but yours I will steal!
I will make sure that you feel as I did long before,
Crying with a breaking heart, left with nothing more.

You may think that I'm going crazy, oh, just say what you know!
It's you that's driven me to this your now my enemy, my foe!
I'll break all my promises, as you've broken all yours,
Stop doing that to me, you know I will level the score.

All the lies you've told me, all those times you swore,
That you wouldn't lie, wouldn't lie to me anymore.
But that was a lie too, I was a fool to believe you,
I should have said so but I didn't have the heart to.

Remember that time you made me feel so alone?
You left me to cope with my troubles on my own.
I hope you're happy with what you have done, you rat,
I swear to God that I'm gonna get you for all that!

Call me evil, you can say whatever you want to,
This is what I want to say, what I want to do to you.
I'm fed up with these broken promises that you send,
After all this, I'm going to make this my sweet sweet revenge.

WHERE ARE YOU?

Days spent in an endless ring,
I pray for night to come, just to hear him sing.
“Sleep now and leave your world behind,
Come to me, I am waiting inside your mind.”

Who is this beautiful stranger waiting for me to sleep?
Why is it only in my dreams, I am his to keep?

I see his face within my dreams,
Handsome with a light I’ve never seen.
The curve of his lips, and the shade of his eyes,
Are filled with a kindness that my world would despise.

Is he real, or an escape my mind has created for my sanity?
How can I love a figment of imagination, and feel nothing for humanity?

Trusting his voice as I have trusted no other,
I tumble down the rabbit hole, floating down to him like a feather.
Catching and cradling my body like a precious treasure,
I hear his heartbeat against mine inspiring feelings of ultimate pleasure.

Whose world is real, and whose is false?
How can both exist, how can both have a pulse?

I dread the dawn that always comes,
For on its heels, I hear another song.
Sleep again my treasured love, and leave this world for another dream,
When you wake, you’ll find the hole that will help you find your way to me.

Which is reality and which is fantasy?
When will he leave his world to be with me?

I know I’ll never trust a single thing you say
You knew your lies would divide us but you lied anyway
And all the lies have got you floating up above us all
But what goes up has got to fall

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)

Hearing your name the memories come back again
I remember when it started happening
I see you in every thought I had and then
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them
And I knew as they escaped away
I was committing myself to them and everyday

[Linkin Park - Hit The Floor, Figure 09, Easier to Run]

"And the pain here that I feel, try and tell me its not real...but it seems that I still have some tears to shed"

[Tim Burton's Corpse bride]

A face she knows so well
Hiding secrets she will never tell
She looks deep into the eyes, just to be ignored
The reality of her past, can't reveal all that has been stored
She looks for a smile, a little hint of what she needs to find
The empty pockets of her dreams, leaves her hollow and blind

My love was thrown aside
As rage in my heart competed,
The love left inside slowly died

Sanity became an afterthought,
Rage and hate; a way of life,
Love and compassion were forgotten
When I thought of him.

One night when no more I could take,
I snuck into his room late at night
And when, after the screams I left,
Left behind was a gruesome sight

I knew my life could not last,
And when the police asked why,
I shook my head, and with tears, said,
"Betrayal is a worse way to die"

I stopped feeling anything anymore....

The wanderer is jostled by another passerby; his face is expressionless, his eyes are downcast, yet his thoughts are a storm. The last traces of light twist across an open sky, splashed red across the sparkling canvas. Dressed like an old wizard, the wanderer holds a gnarled staff, and is wrapped in a gray cloak that is dirty and worn. His pounding step is like an obscure beat; thump, thump, thump. The staff is held firmly; his hands slide up and down its surface when he pounds the twisted wood into the ground in time with his walking beat. The wanderer hears the music of voices joined in harmony. He seeks out each individual so that he may discover their song.

Whispering words, traveling through empty breezes. Collecting at the bottom of an abandoned stair well, of used up hopes and dreams. Graffiti walls and swirling rubbish, home to the few who saw no way out. Feeling pain, sorrow and anger, building, rising, covering all senses, taken up all room, till nothing is left.

Feeling nothing, but emptiness. A lack of reason, constantly wondering why... how....and when will it all end.

A look, a curse, a laugh... all diminish the last threads of hope...only to go away, be left alone, to weave the threads back to rope...only to once again be downgraded by those who claim to be friends, and enemies claiming that they're all innocent...when no one truly is.

Feeling useless and only being left out, constantly in the dark, till darkness is all you know...you no longer wish for the light, for it is too painful.

But you do not wish to be in the dark....for you are always alone...you are always blind...


"Abandoned to the hate, the evil.. you take comfort in its darkness. For the darkness is all you know, it was the only thing that was there... when you were most vunerable."

Sorry girl, but you missed out
Well tough luck that boy's mine now

We are more than just good friends
This is how the story ends

Too bad that you couldn't see
See the man that boy could be

There is more than meets the eye
I see the soul that is inside...

[Avril Lavigne: Sk8er Boi]

People who do not have patience, I do not help at all; I nag and pest. I don't mend one's fear. I simply snap the strings and let them fall. Others can cry and plead for help, but still I show no mercy. You can easily compare my face to a decating eggplant. My mind holds more patience than that of a novel. I cannot feel remorse or pain; which can bleed me dry. Reflections of worries errupt from my center - creating a supernova...when the sun shines, my eyes dont even begin to squint.

Time for me is of the past and present, bringing about pain...for when you're on my road the path stretches forever.

The rain comes
When I’m like this the rain comes,
The gray skies combine with my teary eyes.
When I’m like this my past is my present, I cannot hide.
Why live once I’ve died.
When I’m like this the rain pours,
Pounding down with no remorse.
The rain seems to hide who I really am
Or am I just too confused to know where I stand.
I wash my past away,
In the rain I will come back one day.
To my grave I will visit,
To my love I will say:
“Here we are again, where were you that day?”
The rain washes our sins away, the rain sets us free.
The past is dead, like me.
Together we will make it, we will start anew.
But first we have to die, to make our future true.

The most painful thing is to be hated by someone you truly love.

Can you turn these silent somber wilting roses red
Can you breathe your life to her now that she is dead
Can you get here fast enough as the crow flies
To meet my sorry ending and my kisses and goodbyes

Through the miles and mile stones, flick across the stars
And catch me like an afterthought as I step in front of cars
So caught and reconsidered I hesitate a little longer
But only in your company do I feel the least bit stronger

The crow flies, without sleep or food, determined now to stop me
With solitude and cyanide I plan how to do this properly
And with one last kiss I surrender, with lips against the glass
Its snatched and its broken and so another moments passed

You hold me in your arms with your fingers in my hair
You cry and I cry and there is monoxide in the air
I'm running out of reasons and running out of time
But I can hold on just knowing you are mine

What is it that I have done so wrong? Did I somehow make your world stop turning? If I did, I wish there were someway to start it back up again. All I've been trying to do is make you proud of me. I guess I screwed that up too. When I figured that out, I stopped trying. That didn't make you happy or proud either. I sit and wonder why I even exist in your world, since I'm not doing anything right in it. Are you upset at my existence, I wonder. If you are, then I will take back every memory of me you have, and will erase myself from your life.....

This Time in Life I tried my best,
To give my Love with out no rest.
I gave all I had as time went by,
Even tears when I did cry.
I made some errors as you do know,
I tried to learn as time did go.
As I grow older, you still can't see,
All that Love I had in me.

There's more to me than what you see
Fragments of a soul I choose to be
Thoughts in my mind you'll never know
I'm only the things I choose to show

Graceless lies upon my shelf
Books of dreams kept to myself
Enchanted night only I embrace
Unfinished thoughts forgotten in haste

Woke one day to see the sun
And realized I'm not anyone
Apart from me, my quiet disguise
But in my solitude, I feel alive

----------------------------------------

Tearing me open but I can’t break free
From the chaos inside I know it’s just not me
In your eyes I was the summer sun
You saw through my darkened eyes
To what no one could see

Everything around me is fading so fast
I don’t want to be the one who fades last
And I can’t comprehend
What this is doing to me

----------------------------------------

Someday, my eyes will open up
And I’ll realize I’ve wasted my time
Then, I’ll look out at a new world
And I’ll see what I’ve always felt inside
Realizing, I’ve yet to live
My life is nothing but lying
Realizing, I have to scream
My life is not worth hiding
Someday, you’ll look at me
With eyes that can’t afford blinking
Then, you’ll notice something there
And understand without ever thinking

----------------------------------------

There was a time I'd give anything to smile
Now I'd give anythign to go back to that time
I'd do anything now to stop crying

----------------------------------------

I'm the dead that's never dying
Existing though my soul's still hiding
Living in a constant fear
I've seen everything I can here

I'm the flower that's never blooming
Being though I am not working
Falling under so much doubt
I've passed my time for coming out

I'm the storm that won't stop raging
Sick of calm and done with waiting
Pouring till there's nothing left
I've still got rain to fall down yet

I'm the truth that's never lying
Cringing through the dark world's crying
Seeing what you'll never see
All because I'm stuck as me

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes...all you need is one.

Body’s rusting in the rain,
I am trying to forget and be forgotten.
Something clawing from the inside at my brain,
Something ghastly, dark and rotten.

NOBODYCARES You don't wanna be around when it all comes down, even heros know when to be scared..

When my thoughts and I are all alone,
I'm left with memories which I have owned.
There were times which brought both smiles and tears,
and the ones we knew throughout the years.
I think of now compared to then.
The thing the same is what has been.
And as those years will come and go,
there is one thing that I'll always know.
Oh all the memories that I hold so dear,
the owners of those are rarely near.
And with each and every mile I passed,
I carry my Memories which will always last.
When silence takes over and I'm feeling sad,
I think about the friends I've had.
But in my travels within my mind,
there's was always one most specially kind.
So I take this moment and chance to say...
the thought of you enriches my day.

[dedicated to xInfinteSky: my bestest friend]

Swollen cloud of people
they distort like the mist.
amongst the masses is a man
old and derelict..
ripped away from his pride
drowned by open wounds
he waits in longing pain
for death to come to him soon..

I stand afar and stare.
I wonder what’s his story,
the life that he has led
as he sits and begs before me..
the people walk right by
with their own woes to worry on.
he stares with unphased eyes
at the past which lingers on..

He combs his hair with his hand
and scribbles something down
he closes his eyes and hums
and waves his arm around..
in the heart of this old man
burns an artist underneath
that no one had ever noticed
because his outline's just skin deep..

The urge to go over and ask...
"what tale do you have to say?"
is suppressed by the fear of him
which impels my feet to stay..
I sleep tonight in thought
of the marvel that I saw..
inspired by a mysterious man
I get up and write in awe..

In a swollen cloud of people
distorting like the mist.
amongst the masses is a man
old and derelict..
I stand in my familiar place
and watch his calm cold face
his eyes show something else
fear, guilt, shame and hate

We are a kindred pair
so inspired by a life of hurt
but my heart cannot come close
to the horrors he's seen on earth
again he starts to write
in a trance, fixed and surreal
I stare and admire his passion
as he lets out what’s been concealed

He hums a beautiful song
but its muffled by the mist..
the people rush on by
his song is lost amidst..
my eyes fill with anger
as he fades away in sorrow..
his art will go unheardand
I wont see him till tomorrow

I write tonight in fury
so upset with the world im in
upset with my own soul too
who didn’t go and talk to him
next time I will have my chance
to hear that enchanting song
I sleep feeling so empty
as my soul is left forlorn....

In a swollen cloud of people
distorting like the mist..
amongst the masses is a man
old and derelict..
bowed against the wall
his head hung in deep rest
the wrong time to approach him
but I cannot stop this eagerness

I wade through the mist
their story worthless and faded
they will die in their ignorance
fall to the bliss that they've created
I reach the unreachable
and shake his shoulder softly..
but his soul had left last night
and he slides to the floor... empty

I choke on silent words
no tear can justify the grief
so I reach down to his clenched fist
and quote a note it keeps..

"Sparrows pass, nameless, narrow.
to some dominion they will follow.
this heart shall bleed till its omega
and be forgotten to the hollow."

Through a broken window.
The other side of the mirror.
No time left to kill, no time to live, no time to die.
Spiritual eclipse.
Skeletal remains of emotion.
Hypocritical mentality.

I wrote a world yesterday
The stars seemed not so far away
For a silhouette of shattered dreams
And crying children’s ripping seams

Heinous crimes have been committed
Arsenic flowers have been acquitted
And with the sigh of morning death
The stars themselves have lack of breath

Lilies sing a sickly song
Of soaring battles and heroes gone
And daisies gather round to hear
Tales of men and lacking fear

Hindered spirits remain to kill
And scorched contempt continues still
Dances dance, but not the same
To a tune never played again

Sinning spree forever worn
Angels pure waiting to scorn
Pixies and demons live as one
In a land built on the sun

Hearing was once some gift
Too precious a gem to even lift
Contorted faces fill the mirror
Twisted images so unclear

Yellow feats that none can best
A pallid fate to stand the test
Raindrops fatal come to tea
In a brilliant reverie

Brass knobs of horror conjure soon
A sight to sting the sorest wound
Tallies stand like soldiers tall
And numbers await to take their fall

Creating malice to and fro
Beasts condemned to never know
A tale of moon and story of stars
Of a land built in galaxies far

Hindered homes formed to last
In presence of the forbidden cast
The king’s players could not compete
And the coliseum echoed defeat

Blinds of whites hold treasures dear
Of sin, of sorrow, of joy, of fear
Breaking once what never was
On land built on fire, just because…

Devils preach and angels lie
Of this land built in the sky
Nomads land and sinners ball
Infants to walk and men to crawl

Unknown elegy sung just one time
Questioned words in clouds shine
Razor blades hating a constant glow
Of rhymes and poems we’ll never know

Screaming primates to rule us all
For we’ve invited our own fall
Look now, our end’s begun
On this land built on the sun.

Chair is stained and I can't stay awake
Bring forth the evidence to keep me sane
I can't keep this riddle locked inside
Seven ways to keep my secrets tied!

Can't believe this! I belong in chains
Separated, it was me and something else
Now am numbing get me out of this
Never wanted this - Never needed this!

Arms stretched out giving thanks to pain
Spotlight looking down, I'm ashamed
Kneeling with my forehead to the ground
I can't help but flinch before am found

Now its nothing....but dead and gone....

A knight's duty is solemn and alone
Through his actions his duty shown
To protect the weak and quell their fears
To warm their hearts as they shed tears

With not a home for him to find
Nor a place for piece of mind
His gentle steps with courage fall
Never a place to withdraw

A fragile heart with courage great
His heart, an invaluable trait
His sword, as swift as falling air
His shield, just, profoundly fair

Truth to their words
Steadfast their feet
Swift with their swords
Unwilling to retreat

These are virtues, Knightly all
Servants they are at beckon call